I’m going to tell you a story. It’s about a man and a woman who were on top of the world with their two wonderful boys. They had a beautiful house in the suburbs with great neighbours, a steady income, and a happy life. In fact, she would often say out loud, just randomly, “I love our life.” Her husband’s healthy and steady income allowed her to leave her stagnant government job and begin a career that carried loads of risk and perpetual UNsteady income.
Her husband’s job was running a company in a really tough industry: clothing manufacturing. That industry will shake your hand, kiss you on the cheek, and then throw you down the stairs. The writing had been on the wall for some time, but she, being the eternal optimist, refused to see it. One day her husband came home, shattered — the bank had pulled the business’ financing and its nine lives were up.
BOOM. The doors of the business closed, as did the steady income. In fact, there was no income for some time.
But the bills kept coming. So they did what a lot of families do: they used the equity in their house as an ATM. In fact, this trend had actually started earlier in their lives, when they felt the need to keep up with the Joneses, to have a pool because everyone else in the neighbourhood did, to drive nice cars, to spruce up their house, to dine out and entertain whenever they wanted, to send their kids to private school. Because the healthy and steady income was there! The line of credit could be paid off later, when there were less bills. What could go wrong?
That’s the thing. We never really know when things might go wrong. And in this family’s struggle to keep their lives the same even after the business closed, to reassure their kids that everything was just fine, they kept using their house as an ATM.
Stress will kill you, if you let it. Keeping up with the Joneses will kill you, if you let it. Trying to put on a brave face when things are crumbling around you will kill you, if you let it.
So you don’t let it. You take the reins, you make decisions, you tighten and simplify. (Ah, simplify: there is such beauty and peace in that word.) You down-size, because it is the right-size. You get down to what really matters, and you realize that you can get back to your roots, get back to basics, get grounded again. And in doing that, you take back control and you live authentically.
This is my story. It’s my husband’s story and our family’s story. And it has a happy ending. I want you to know that.
This is the most personal thing I have ever written, and I was afraid to do it, to be vulnerable, to post something that could potentially affect my reputation in some people’s eyes. But at the same time, I feel a great responsibility to speak the truth, not sales. To be a three-dimensional person. To be real. And to let others know that they are not alone.
In coming posts on this blog, I will go through the process of how we decided to down-size (it involved lots of negotiation, re-framing and introspection) and how we actually did it, including the move that left us looking like the Clampetts for almost a month. I’ll share the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Maybe you or someone you know is feeling the pinch, maybe you’ve lost a job or had an unexpected setback, maybe you’ve been trying to keep up with the Joneses. And maybe the bills are getting overwhelming and the stress of the situation is killing you.
Hang in there. This doesn’t have to be painful…well, not excruciating anyway. Most importantly, there can always be a happy ending — I want you to know that — even when you’re forced to take off your favourite rose-coloured glasses. Hang in there, and follow me here.
Posts in this series:
- When Downsizing is Right-Sizing
- This is Your Life, So You’d Better Take the Reins: When Downsizing is Right-Sizing
- Cutting the Cable Won’t Cut It: When Downsizing is Right-Sizing
- Selling a Lifestyle Change: When Downsizing is Right-Sizing
- Ego is a B*tch: When Downsizing is Right-Sizing
- The Next Reality Check: When Downsizing is Right-Sizing
- Pick a Poison and Buckle Up: When Downsizing is Right-Sizing
- We Have Too Much Crap: When Downsizing is Right-Sizing
- Moving and Life-Preservers: When Downsizing is Right-Sizing
lisaheindel says
May 19, 2017 at 4:50 pm#bebrave But we already know you are!! – not everyone would be willing to be this transparent, nor would they do it with such style. Kudos to you, my friend.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 4:54 pmThanks, Lisa. If we could all just be real, stop pretending, or feeling like we need to pretend, how beautiful would that be?
Petrina says
May 21, 2017 at 9:58 amAmen!
innahamedia says
May 19, 2017 at 4:57 pmI’m so so happy you wrote this. For every human reason, and so much more. And your new abode is beautiful and it’s home. And importantly, a very very happy one.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 4:59 pmYou really can make any place a home. I wish everyone felt that in their bones. And when there is less stress in that home, it is indeed a happy, happy place.
SuzBackstrom says
May 19, 2017 at 5:05 pmKeeping it real and letting yourself be vulnerable. No wonder I admire you so much!
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 5:08 pmThanks so much, Suz. The feeling is mutual. I hope you know that.
rosevilleandrocklin says
May 19, 2017 at 5:09 pmI love this so much – there’s more of us that can relate … your words are beautiful and it’s strength to share the reality. You’re an amazing woman and anyone that works with you, should feel so lucky to work with you. <3
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 5:17 pmDitto! One thing you have in spades is a sense of humour (with that extra ‘u’), and that is the most important tool in anyone’s toolbelt.
rosevilleandrocklin says
May 19, 2017 at 5:22 pmLOVE IT <3 I couldn't spell humour without "u" … you're one of my favorite targets to try and make giggle.
rosevilleandrocklin says
May 19, 2017 at 5:23 pmCorrection: Favourite *** (see, I can even adapt?)
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 5:24 pmHahahahaha!
Linda Rosenthal says
May 19, 2017 at 5:13 pmTanya, thank you for this post. I can’t find the words to tell you right now how poignant this one is for me…. wishing you the very best and can’t wait to follow along with you on your journey.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 5:16 pmWe are on the other side, Linda, but still cautious. Life likes to throw curve balls, as we have learned. So happy to have you reading here.
Stacie Staub says
May 19, 2017 at 5:20 pmI am so proud of you for sharing this and can’t wait to follow this series!
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 5:23 pmThank you so much, Stacie. You’re one of the bravest.
Gia Paccione says
May 19, 2017 at 5:37 pmWhat can I say that hasn’t been said? I am a fan. I knew from the moment we became FB friends that you were authentic, the real deal. This post is indeed very poignant (perfect word, Linda), many of us can relate on some level or another – I didnt think my opinion of you could have gone any higher, but my virtual friend and business colleague, your vulnerability and honesty……just f*****g awesome, thank you for sharing.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 6:49 pmI feel the same way about you, Gia. And the number of raving fans you have proves it.
Amy Curtis says
May 19, 2017 at 5:43 pmMoving under the best of circumstances is hard…moving because of the messiness of life is even harder…a real estate agent that would share their “messiness” is the real estate agent I would want to help me navigate through mine. In all things, I welcome the speaking of truth over sales…I’m betting your clients welcome and appreciate it too!
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 6:49 pmI sure hope they do. 🙂
ClicknFinance says
May 24, 2017 at 10:30 amABSOLUTELY agree with Amy. 1000%.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 24, 2017 at 11:36 am🙂
Leslie Ebersole says
May 19, 2017 at 6:04 pmThe story of almost everyone in the world. Ups and downs. Some people never rebound as well as you did. And don’t think for a second that anyone every thought of you as looking like the Clampetts.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 6:51 pmOh but we were. Stuff strewn about the yard because there was no more room inside. Lesson: If you think you’ve decluttered enough, think again!
Elaine Gage says
May 19, 2017 at 6:38 pmThe worst thing that can happen to you can turn into the best thing. It’s all in how you learn and grow from it. Being open about it is the healthiest thing you can do. You continue to amaze me.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 19, 2017 at 6:52 pmExactly. How you frame anything is absolutely critical. Thanks, Elaine.
Ana says
May 19, 2017 at 10:19 pmLovely piece and bang on. Thanks for sharing and I’m with you on just being real and authentic and sharing our stories with others because at the end of the day, we have all been there in some form or other. Your courage gives others courage too. Bravo my friend.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 20, 2017 at 9:03 amSo much of this industry is fluffed feathers and puffed out chests. I think we can be part of changing that, Ana.
Debbie says
May 19, 2017 at 11:46 pmWe did the same, with your help, and never looked back!
Tanya Nouwens says
May 20, 2017 at 9:05 amYou guys were troopers. You were so determined. And your family is in a great place because of it. It was a privilege to help you through this. Truly.
Gwen Daubenmeyer says
May 20, 2017 at 6:44 amThis is such an impactful post, Tanya. Many people can relate to this. I love that you don’t play pat-a-cake with the truth. Our real stories are much more exciting and beautiful than any online creation of ourselves. I’m so excited to join you in your journey!
Tanya Nouwens says
May 20, 2017 at 9:06 amThanks, Gwen, and thanks for helping me have the courage to be so open about this. Your courage is contagious, and your story is a beautiful one.
Gwen says
May 20, 2017 at 1:40 pmSisterhood of Truth.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 20, 2017 at 2:56 pmYes!!!
Susan mangigian says
May 20, 2017 at 6:45 amI’m following. I’ve had some year good years and some really “how are we going to survive this” years. In our business, busyness is king and often we get the feeling that on a bad year, it’s just you. Where agents generally greet each other by saying how great the market is. Thank you for keeping it real. Great writing.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 20, 2017 at 9:09 amThanks, Susan. This business is tough and unpredictable, but we do ourselves and our clients a disservice by pretending the market is always great.
Jennifer says
May 20, 2017 at 7:32 amVery well said; thanks for sharing your story so candidly. We faced a very similar situation four years ago.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 20, 2017 at 9:09 amThanks, Jennifer. I hope you’re on the other side of that tough situation now and enjoying less pressure.
Karen Hurst says
May 20, 2017 at 12:19 pmexcellent article!! People do not want to tell others when things are bad.. Including myself. It’s a struggle sometimes just existing.. I look forward to your next posts because it’s always good to read about hope!
Tanya Nouwens says
May 20, 2017 at 2:57 pmThere is always hope, Karen. Always, always, always.
Shannon Harrington says
May 20, 2017 at 2:17 pmThis is wonderful. <3
Tanya Nouwens says
May 20, 2017 at 2:56 pmThank you, Shannon. 🙂
Roseline Cristanelli says
May 23, 2017 at 3:55 pmI am going to share this with my clients. May I repost it on my blog, with credit to you of course? Thank you for writing it and I look forward to the following posts.
Tanya Nouwens says
May 24, 2017 at 8:38 amOf course, Roseline! Share away…and thank you.
ClicknFinance says
May 24, 2017 at 10:26 amSpeechless and Love!
Tanya Nouwens says
May 24, 2017 at 11:36 amThank you so much, Jeff.